Behind the song
"Remain" is the most vulnerable I allowed myself to be in my very early demo-era. Written in the hollow aftermath of losing my closest childhood friend, I was torn apart in ways I didn't know were possible. You grow up thinking your strongest bonds are unbreakable, but the inevitable ripped us apart like these was never anything there. Realizing I'd likely never speak to them again broke me from the inside out. Even though time let me heal and feel the grief, back then the sudden, finality of it just felt like the roof had caved in. I had never felt so entirely shattered, left to deal with life without the person who used to understand me the best.
The song's lyrics are a raw confession of the panic and pain that sets in when you feel someone slipping out of reach. The metaphor of aimless driving paired with the very real search for answers in a desperate attempt was my way of keeping their ghost alive. I was reaching out into the silence, begging for a sign, until the river dried and I saw the people around me keep on keeping on. The final verse, when the frantic calling stops, the phones go dead, and the agony sets in is my surrender. I accepted that I could never go back to who I was, and I made one final wish; Wherever you are, let the memories of what we had remain.
In your embrace, I'd stand alone
Wrapped in memories, the ones we'd grown
But fate dealt a blow, it tore us apart
Leaving empty, this fractured heart of mine
And the echoes of your laughter, they haunt my dreams
And every passing moment, your silent screams call me
From the void you left behind, and it cuts me deep within
It's a reminder of what we should've been
But now the days go by like the river flowed
When the night fell colder, and you didn't show
I just kept holding on, praying for a sign
I'll think of you, a love once mine
But now I'm on the road, calling your best friends, hoping you made it home okay
And through the distance, I reach out to you and try to ease my pain
The love we intertwined in the silence of the night, I whisper your name
'Cause I hope that your memories might remain
And through the misty haze of the moonlit night
I search for remnants of our love, it was divine
But the road that we once travelled on now leads me astray
And I'm lost in our memories, longing for yesterday
And it all went by like the river flows
When the nights fall colder, your shadows still grow
And I'll keep holding on, praying for a sign
Now I'll always know you couldn't be mine
But now I'm on the road, calling your best friends, hoping you made it home okay
And through the distance, I reach out to you and try to ease my pain
The love we intertwined in the silence of the night, I whisper your name
'Cause I hope that your memories might remain
And all I know is that the river dried and I'm alone
Now all I know is that your friends are tired of me calling a hundred times but they don't know
What it was like on that road to be by your side
It'll never be right, but I'll be fine
Now I'm off the road, all of their phones are dead and we're lying here alone
I reach out and I'm hoping for someone to come and finally take us home
The love we intertwined It's nothing without us both, don't you know
I always hoped that the memories might remain
