Behind the song:
This track is a massive, unapologetic "fuck you" to a toxic ex who loved watching you crash and burn. I spent way too long suffocating in that relationship, and I didn't know how to let myself leave. It was better for both of us. Writing this song was such an emotional escape and I had a great time writing it!
That final line, over the phone... "nah I'm done, so fuck this" is that final moment I took my life back. I stopped caring about their dreams, the texts, the grace I gave. Sure, I made a lot of mistakes too, and I had completely checked out toward the end, but ending things was the only way to save myself. Walking away made me feel alive again, and this track is me leaving her exactly where she belongs. In the past.
What a mistake it was telling me I don’t look as happy as I used to then,
That’s ironic coming from someone who was happy just to watch me crash and burn instead
I never understood your petty little lies
And you testing my patience time after time
But you still hide behind your bottles of wine
Until you “just want to swing by mine”
You’re always talking about trust and respect
But the hypocritical nature of what happens next
When you say you’re only having ‘Just a bit of phone sex’ but the conversation states you wanna get in his bed
So I lie to myself and I tell you that it’s okay
Stabbing myself in back I’m just trying to get my bills paid
So take your clothes and go, I really do not want to know, I’ll write my fucking rhymes and tell the world that you’re the reason
I smoke to choke all the memories of us
I get high just to come down from cloud nine
I’m sitting on the sidelines of my own life as your taunts they cut me like a bread knife
Venomous eyes, poisoning my life
Whilst the negativity just keep growing in size
And your star sign’s Gemini, your dual faced lies
Set me burning like a fire through the wildlife
And I was at your place, every single day
Until you’d ‘go and hit the gym’ and I’d finally get a break
When I was out the other night and I saw a familiar face, was it you with another man or the ghost of us, babe
looking on at it now, I was a little bit jealous, Overzealous is what i’d call myself while I was in my shell
But exhaustion was kicking in and I left you for someone else
In my memory I was hoping I could find my better self
And I still don’t get it, how you pack up and you leave
And you cheat and you cry and keep on deceiving, I’ve heard it from other guys
We talk about your lies, behind your back, but isn’t that what you did a thousand times to me?
Now you’ll see what a real man can do with a voice and a song, thought I’d leave it? you knew that I’d wait ‘till I’d a platform
And you said I’d never make it, you’re wrong! Here’s your song
And it starts by telling everyone
I smoke to choke all the memories of us
I get high just to come down from cloud nine
I’m sitting on the sidelines of my own life as your taunts they cut me like a bread knife
Venomous eyes, poisoning my life
Whilst the negativity just keep growing in size
And your star sign’s Gemini, your dual faced lies
Set me burning like a fire through the wildlife
Telling myself I wanna be alone
I don’t care about you dreams and I don’t care if you’re at home
And the way that you’ve been acting, like a dog to a bone
The only difference is you threw it, now you’re calling my iPhone
And you move on pretty quick, that was hard to admit
But you’re gone and you’re wrong
And I don’t give a shit.
Will you just get a grip, ‘cause I’ll make this one quick
If you want my admission here it comes I’ll admit.
That sure I wasn’t great, and I’ll admit to my mistakes,
I lied, I never trie d and I was out to help myself, I might admit that I was wrong when all my love was falsified and I was hiding from the truth, but then again it’s what I had to do.
You never gave me grace, we never made a time or place, we tried to work but that was every day, and I was checking out again, I should have really tried, believe me, I was justified and when I ended things I never felt so fucking alive and now I
I smoke to choke all the memories of us
I get high just to come down from cloud nine
I’m sitting on the sidelines of my own life as your taunts they cut me like a bread knife
Venomous eyes, poisoning my life
Whilst the negativity just keep growing in size
And your star sign’s Gemini, your dual faced lies
Set me burning like a fire through the wildlife
Telling myself I wanna be alone
I don’t care about you dreams and I don’t care if you’re at home
And the way that you’ve been acting, like a dog to a bone
The only difference is you threw it, now you’re calling my iPhone
And you move on pretty quick, that was hard to admit
But you’re gone and you’re wrong
And I don’t give a shit.
Will you just get a grip, ‘cause I’ll make this one quick
If you want my admission, nah I’m done, so fuck this.